I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
