I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
