On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize