let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
