i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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