I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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