thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
