Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
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