I wish my penis had an off switch
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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