So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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