i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Everclear isn't food dammit
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
