I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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