Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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