I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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