i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize