Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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