The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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