I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
