You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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