I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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