Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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