Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
