you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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