I am puke
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
