I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
