Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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