A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
