apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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