I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
