I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
