How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
