You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
