As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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