I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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