Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
