I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
