chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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