Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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