you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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