At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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