i think i have herpe
just one?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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