Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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