Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
