Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
