I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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