Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
