where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
