People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize