i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
