kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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