batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
