happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
