I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How does one acquire holy water?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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