pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
