Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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