Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
