I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
