You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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