What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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