did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
