I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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