Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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