So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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