ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i will never coherently bang her
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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