I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
