the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
