Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize