Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
