i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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