I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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