i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
