Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
