Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize